It's been a long time!

Wow! It's been a month. I must apologize to my one true follower (you know who you are), I just don't seem to have any motivation these days. What do they say? Inspiration just won't come...

So much has happened in the last month. The most exciting thing is that we now know that our baby is a BOY!!!! Wow, what a shock! Draino told us it was a girl, mother's intuition told us it was a girl. We were 98% sure he was a she. But we should know by now that we can't predict and sure enough, there were boy "parts". Part of me is still expecting to meet a baby girl in the hospital. Crazy eh! Awesome though. I love saying "my son". It's the best feeling ever. Kaleb William Wallace is going to be loved and is loved more than we could ever imagine.

What else has happened....Kaleb has started kicking. Actually, he started kicking a few weeks ago but I thought it was gas pains. It wasn't until a week ago when I saw where his feet were on the ultrasound that I knew he was making himself known. It's such an amazing feeling to feel him. I feel so relieved and find myself feeling a lot less stressed now that he keeps tapping me and saying hello. I can't wait until Mike can feel him too.

We didn't tell anyone what we were having until yesterday. We had our friends and family over for a big reveal. It was fun but a lot of work. We spent the entire week painting his room. We LOVE it!! It was a lot of work and I will never give myself a time limit again but it was fun. Hope you like!

And one more thing, I'm sick...AGAIN! Since I last wrote I have had a sinus infection which forced me to stay off work for a week. And now, I have a wicked cold. My nose is so stuffed and there is nothing I can take for relief. I think this has to be worse than the morning sickness (which I still have btw). At least with m/s you get relief after you throw up, now I just feel like crap all the time!!! Let's hope this passes!

I think I did it, I think I updated you on everything that has happened in my life for the last while. If you are reading this, please leave a comment. That way I'll know whether or not it's worth me updating more frequently. Thanks!

Ciao!

It's a baby!!!

Just had my 11 week ultrasound. Everything is perfect! The technician said that the heatbeat is beautiful! The LoveBug is measuring at 11 weeks 3 days! One day bigger than he/she should be. Uh Oh!!!! I am so happy and so relieved!

Isn't the LoveBug beautiful???!!!!
No more complaining or worrying for this Mommy! I'm just going to go with the flow!

11 weeks and counting...

I am 11 weeks and 1 day pregnant!! This is a record for me. My first pregnancy ended at 11 weeks exactly. I am still nervous. I have been having pains in my abdomen the last few days, not cramps but possibly, hopefully, gas pains. Tomorrow is our second ultrasound and I am truly excited. I think that once I see a happy baby there I will feel 100% better and I will be able to relax a little bit, I'm sure there are many of you that will be excited to hear that! Anyway, I'm going to go celebrate!

I feel better

I met my OB today for the first time. Dr. L. is so amazing! She is gentle, friendly, knowledgeable and she just gets "it"! She spoke to me in such a calm way that I felt reassured. Unfortunately I'm not far enough along at 10 weeks to hear the heart beat despite her amazing effort at trying. She said that this is normal and that I shouldn't be alarmed. I was quite upset though. I'm so worried that I'm going to miscarry again. To reassure me, Dr. L. is sending me for an ultrasound just to make sure that everything is ok. She hopes this will settle my nerves and make me feel better. I love that! She didn't have to do that but she obviously understands how stressful the whole pregnancy journey can be.

So many of you have left me nice comments and have tried to make me feel better. I promise to do my best to think positively from here on in until I have reason to feel scared and nervous. And that's not going to happen! I appreciate all your support. It means the world to me...Thank you!

Tomorrow is my first appointment

I look forward to it with mixed emotions. I am so nervous!!! Unfortunately my husband can't come with me, he has to work and can't take any time off. He exhausted all his sick days with my last pregnancy. When I called to change the appointment the nurse said that it would be fine. She said that Mike wouldn't miss anything and that if he was going to take an unpaid sick day, to wait until our 18 week ultrasound. Mike is totally ok with that. I thought I was too until I found myself blubbering like an idiot this afternoon at the thought of going by myself tomorrow. I shouldn't worry about it but I keep thinking about the last time I went to see an OB. That day will always remain in my head. That was the day that I was told that my baby had failed to grow and that I was having a miscarriage. What happens if things go wrong tomorrow? What if I get the same news? What will I do by myself?

Please pray for me and our baby. I pray that everything goes fine and I walk away with some great news or at the very least, a sense of well-being.

It's ok...

I have some great friends. I love that they will read what I write and reassure me that everything is ok. I have used their advice to give myself time to relax, to not feel bad when I can't do anything but lay there, or when I need to complain that I feel like crap. It's ok. Thank you!

I did manage to get going a little bit this weekend. Mike and I painted our bedroom on Friday and Saturday. I HATE THE COLOUR!!! I can't wait to repaint it. It changes colours during the day. I can tolerate it in the morning but by bedtime it's this awful minty green colour. Very wrong in my world!

Yesterday Mike and I ventured to IKEA to buy some curtains for our place. I washed and shrunk my living room curtains. It has been a nice weekend. I love spending time with my man. I did have 2 of the worst days so far for morning sickness so I've given myself permission to relax today. It's ok!

I think I'm going to have a nap....

What a long summer this has been....

Wow! I'm not really good at his blogging thing. I guess I just figured my life isn't very exciting. All I do anymore is sit on the couch trying to muster up enough energy to do anything! I shower, sit, brush my teeth, sit and rest, eat, sit, my day is long and boring. I worry what I might be like when I'm further along! Thank goodness Mike is amazing and patient with me. I love him!

We are going to paint our bedroom this weekend. I am excited for that. Our bedroom is going to look so good! I don't think I'm a fabulous decorator but this is my first place so it's exciting to design.

I discovered that my clothes are starting to get smaller. I went to a maternity shop the other day looking for some shorts. I was nervous. I figured I didn't deserve to wear maternity clothes yet because I'm only 8 weeks along. I thought I would feel awkward but believe it or not, I wasn't the only newly preggo person in there! I felt comfortable and like I belonged. I managed to find 3 pairs of shorts for $40. Can't beat that! And, best of all, they are SOOOOO comfortable. I can actually wear them over my belly. It's the best feeling in the world!

I went for my first ultrasound yesterday. Man, I was a ball of nerves. I was on the verge of tears (nothing new) the whole time. I just wanted to see a blob and a flash (aka a baby and a heartbeat). I didn't feel this was too much to ask for considering what we have been through already this year.

So, I managed to drink 3.5 of the 5 glasses of water and guess what? Morning sickness kicked in just as I was walking out the door. I then spent the trip there guzzling 3.5 more glasses of water. I HATE WATER! By the time I get there I am feeling really bloated and dancing a little bit. M. was with me so he was my calm. Thank goodness! Thankfully I didn't have to wait long. The tech took me back and gave me the talk...I can't tell you anything. I'm not a radiologist so I'm not allowed to give you a picture or any details. Your husband can't come in. I'm telling you this so you don't think anything is wrong, I just can't tell you ANYTHING!!! My heart sank. A tear even trickled down my cheek. I did everything in my power to be able to see something. I have never actually seen an ultrasound that showed anything so I didn't really know what I was looking for but it didn't matter. She pulled the monitor closer to her and I couldn't see anything. So, my last resort, her glasses. I stared deep into her eyes but all I could see was black and blue. She caught me staring at her. I admitted it and she laughed. That's the moment she became a mother! She then explained to me that she was done, that I was her last patient, she was going on holidays and was feeling generous. She went and got M. and showed us the most adorable, cutest little blob with a flashy little heartbeat that I've ever seen!!! I love that lady!!!

So yes, I'm on cloud nine! I have a baby growing inside me and now it's my mission to keep him/her there. I love the LoveBug!

I'm out for the count....

or at least that's how I feel! This baby has got me whipped!!!! Already at 7 weeks! For the last week I have done nothing but work on my couch potato skills, well that's not exactly true, I've been sharing my time equally between the bed and the couch....equal opportunity! And, praying to the Gods that live in the sewers. With each flush I have prayed that my LoveBug is healthy, happy and enjoying stressing me out already!

I went for a doctor's appointment today. I begged for an ultrasound. I have just one wish right now, to see a heartbeat. I have been pregnant 2 times now and have yet to see anything that didn't resemble an empty jelly bean. So, my fabulous doctor made my wishes come true. I am going on Tuesday. I cried... Did I mention I'm emotional? Right there, in the office, I cried! For an ultrasound!! Well I guess I'm not afraid to use my "Mom Power". Doc also thinks I'm having a girl, he says there's just too much estrogen going on for me not to be....

To those few loyal readers that I have, I promise to try harder. I promise to try to write more often. I know one day I will regret it if I don't. Besides, I'd hate to upset the masses...I might cry!

I am sick!

That wonderful pregnancy glow is taking over. Actually it might be the fever I feel I have. My face feels like it's going to explode. I feel like crap! I'm one of those people that tries to avoid any sinus pain and pressure but I can't take anything now and I am not coping! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....

M is for.....(an update!)

BABY!!!!! Yes, that's right! A BFP!!!! I couldn't be happier. I can't believe it actually happened so soon after our miscarriage. Now, I just hope, pray, wish, cross and beg that Cletus has found him/herself a healthy, happy little brother or sister.

And, the best part about it....WE WERE TRYIN'!!!!!!!!

M is for....

could it be Mom? Take a look at my chart, my temps seem to resemble an "M" (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1426fc). I know, I'm reading too much into it but I'm trying so hard to have faith. It does get tiring though. "Maybe"...that might be a better word....

Life is beautiful....

Well, not really, especially these days. I have had the worst year it seems and to top it all off I just found out I was bumped from my job. I have no job! What am I going to do? Is there anyone out there that has use for a deafblind intervenor? Will work for food!

On a lighter note, I ovulated on Sunday after some crazy bed sessions. Gotta make sure the job has been done right! I still feel optimistic that I'll be holding a precious little one in my arms in 10 months or so. I guess time will tell. For the mean time....well at least for the next week or two, we've JUST STOPPED TRYIN'!!

How far along are you?

This is a question that I've heard far too often lately. In the last 2 weeks 4 people, people that don't know me, have asked me how far along I am, when my baby is due and other lovely questions like that. I politely tell them that "No, I'm not expecting". What I really want to tell them is that "No, I have PCOS, I can't lose weight and I wish I was pregnant but that might be impossible!". I wish there was a way to cut out my middle section. My face is a little pudgy but nothing I can't live with, it's my stomach, the part above my waist. I'm carrying around an extra tire everyday. I'm not about to break down so I really don't need it. Dieting scares me, I don't know where to start. If only I could lose a little, I'm sure my chances of conceiving will be better. If only....

Sometimes it's just tough...

It's hard being positive all the time. Unfortnately today I'm not doing a very good job. I want this month to be it, the month that we get our second BFP but what if it isn't? Will I be able to cope?

A coworker is pregnant. She is due on October 22, one day after Cletus was supposed to be due. I listen to her complain about how hot she is, how sore she is, how she's having a hard time coping. I wish I could trade her, I wish I could tell her to stop complaining. I wish she knew how lucky she is. Though I'm happy for her, I wished she'd take her negativity elsewhere.

Just when you think you are doing ok someone walks by with a beautiful baby belly. I'm tired of trying, I just want to be.....PREGNANT......

One week...

That's me! I'm one week pregnant! If this is going to be the month we get pregnant and I started my LMP 7 days ago that would make me one week pregnant! I truly am going crazy and it's really not like me to think so positively but it's worth a try right?! You know what the best part is? We haven't even started trying yet! So, start crossing your fingers for me and let's see what happens! Just call me Mommy :)

This is it!

This is the month we are getting our sticky BFP!!! I just know it! We have had a rough few months and this is the month that everything is turning around for us. We are going to be happy and everything is going to fall into place. It's weird, I just have such a good feeling. Of course there is a good chance that things won't go our way but I will deal with it when it happens. This is a negativity-free zone!!!

So, if you call or email and we don't answer right away, we are "busy". We plan to get to know eachother just a little better! ;) But of course, we won't really be tryin'! Wink wink!!

Kick me while I'm down...

Why don't people use their internal censors? It's common sense isn't it?

Last night, while I lay in bed the phone rang. It was a friend of mine. She has just returned from Europe so I expected a play by play of the entire trip but to my surprise she had some news to share.

"Guess what?!" she says.
"What?" I replied.
"I'm pregnant!" was her answer.
"Congratulations" I managed to say in as much excitement as I could muster.

She then continued to tell me how excited she is. How excited she was to get 2 pink lines. How I was the first to know. WHERE IS HER CENSOR????? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her but the problem is, I'm quite sure that she would have tricked her husband into unprotected sex. He is dead set against any children and they have been fighting for years over having children. She will make a good mother but what is he going to do?

To top it all off she tells me that I will have to get pregnant so we can be pregnant together. I just wanted to scream in the phone "what do you think I've been doing? Do you think I had a miscarriage on purpose?" but instead I suggested that that would be a good idea......

Jealousy is evil....

On a lighter note, AF came for a visit today! YAY! There is a green light straight ahead. I see a baby in my future.....if only we could JUST STOP TRYIN'!

Just Stop Tryin'

My least favourite saying. My least favourite phrase.

My husband and I tried to conceive for 14 months before we saw our first 2 pink lines. This very exciting day came after a much needed vacation away from reality. We had no idea that we were ovulating so instead we just focused on eachother. Believe it or not, we weren't trying! You know how hard it is for me to admit that?! I hate to say that they are right, that good things happen when you are not too focused on it. But, really, how do you stop trying when you are so excited, so desiring and so focused on becoming a mom or a dad? Just stop tryin', something I would NEVER say to a woman who has been trying to conceive for any length of time. As much as I know that it is true no person wants to hear this!

So you ask, what happened to our 2 pink lines? Unfortunately there were other plans for our little baby (aka lovingly called Cletus the Fetus). At 10 weeks we went for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. After weeks of severe nausea and vomitting, small weight gain and doubling hcG numbers, I was waiting for a miscarriage. It happened at 11 weeks. April 10, 2007, the hardest day of my life! Now, we wait for our little Angel to pick us a beautiful little baby that we can call ours.

In the meantime....We have to just stop tryin' and wait....

YA RIGHT!!!